The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
