She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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