Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize