the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
it's great music for shaving your balls
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
