I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
They have beer where we have blood.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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