I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
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How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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