think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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