Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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