The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
