Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
