Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we made out on top of his cat.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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