Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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