those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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