id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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