I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
