Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
