enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
