Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
