you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
