shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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