I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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