I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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