Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
