Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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