I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
