i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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