Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
