when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
