I want to have your abortion
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
