4 words: hood of his car
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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