his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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