i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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