Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
