I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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