hotel room ftw
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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