just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
