I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
