Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Randomize
