I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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