i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't think brook has ever known best
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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