Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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