ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
