Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
