I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
