The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
