Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
