I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
