Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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