Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
