apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
