Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Green mimosas i think yes
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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