Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the condom got lost in my hair
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There's even glitter on my cock...
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