so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
