you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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