How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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