Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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