you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
