Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
