The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i out mim tonsoeep
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