oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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