just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Soap is not a condiment
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
