Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
