I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
