Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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