I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
