I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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