U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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