I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
