I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
