I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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