If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
