1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
this boner is exhausting
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
