kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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