apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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