He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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