your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
