Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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