He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
