clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
