I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I need moral support for this bender
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
