just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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