you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
