Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
