I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
