If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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