well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
