You're so nebulous sometimes
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
